Hello

Hi,

I'm Kitty and this is my first blog. The purpose of this blog is to get all the things in my head out and somewhere that they aren't as likely to bother me. These things could have to do with whatever I am studying for fun, random observations that have not left after three seconds, or may just be a vent for my feelings that I cannot have vocally. I am a college student and study communications but that does not mean that I am always aware of my grammar or spelling. I also have multiple learning disabilities which means that for me things that look perfect are actually scattered and misspelled for everyone else. Some of the things that I might think up may be out there and others may be offensive but that is why people have the ability to change what they want to read. I do not mind when I offend people because almost everything that I believe in with all my heart are so offensive that I would be disowned from all of the families that I am considered a part of.

I have often found that the only way I can have the things I need to be sane and relatively happy I have to give up everything that makes me who I am. This is a place for me to put those hidden truths into the light and not have to worry as much about what everyone thinks and whether I will still have the love I need in my life afterwards. Just to put forth an idea of the things that I keep bottled up inside I will say some things now. I am not a christian, I do not worship the devil or believe in witch craft but I do believe in the magic of nature and I do very privately worship a mother goddess. I am bisexual and I do prefer girls. I do not believe in the sanctity of marriage or the health of the nuclear family. I have never in my life wished to have a white picket fence and 2.5 children. All of these things would get me disowned from not only my biological family but also the families of my friends who have taken me in when my own family would not.

I like having family and friends for however long it will last. I used to think that I would just keep everything about who I am and what I belive locked away forever and live a wonderful and fulfilling lie. Before that I believed that as soon as I got out on my own I would come out about everything and live as an independent and free individual, then it became that I would do all of that after my elderly grandmother died. Now I do not know if I will every be able to be me because I know that if I do it will be a lonely life devoid of all the personal relationships I have created in the little country town I love and would probably never be able to return to.

I'm afraid that this is going to be a rather depressing blog but I cannot express these things in words because of how I was raised. I do not have anyone to express them to either. Instead I place everything in this little blog that will most likely never be read and speak to an audience that is only in my head. Knowing that is this really doing what I originally said I wished it too or am I only adding to the confusion that resides in my brain. We will have to see.